Memento Mori Revisited

Jan 3

A Paradox for Effective Living

As I reviewed my old blog posts, I was surprised that one of the most popular entries is titled “Memento Mori: Remember Thou Art Mortal.” Written at the beginning of my cancer recurrence, it is raw and personal. Now that I am three years removed from its publication, I am thankful for the luxury of moving beyond the intense emotions of that time, but I realize there are many others who are not able to look in the rear-view mirror of cancer. They remind me of the importance of keeping Memento Mori central because it leads to a better life.

The term originated in ancient Rome when a servant was given the task of saying these words while standing behind a victorious general as he paraded through town. The term morphed into a medieval Christian theory of considering the vanity and transient nature of earthly goods and pursuits. Much of Christian art encourages Memento Mori as a valid and useful practice. The biblical book of Ecclesiastes circles the idea again and again. Instead of being an afterthought, the practice of remembering our mortality is a central preoccupation for a vibrant life. By remembering our end, we experience the aching delight of life in its fleeting nature.

Memento Mori leads to living in the moment, but it is more than this. It involves viewing the present moment from the perspective of the end. I am constantly tempted to avoid thinking of the end, as are most people. In the 1973 book The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, the author looks at how people and cultures have reacted to the concept of death, arguing that most human action is based on ignoring or avoiding the inevitability of death. This often creates unhealthy behaviors on display all around us. Memento Mori, on the other hand, has the potential to produce healthier outcomes. How?

Memento Mori is a filter that sifts the valuable from the vain and the eternal from the transient. It focuses the mind on important priorities, a powerful corrective in our age of limitless distractions. A marvelous side effect is the experience of contentment in the moment. Memento Mori is a useful tool to prioritize values short of a life disrupter. It is a must-have in my toolkit. So how do I make use of Memento Mori on a practical level? I offer three suggestions below.

First, begin with the end. Memento Mori focuses the mind on the end. Such a focus leads to good decision-making. I recently heard of someone who put the question on his desk, “Will this matter a thousand years from now?” Put this way, the answer to most things is “No!” Perhaps narrowing the window of time to one, five, or ten years is more nuanced and useful. It is like the financial advice I learned years ago to wait a month or several months before making a larger purchase. While waiting to decide on the purchase, I ask myself how the purchase enhances my life in a meaningful way that fits my priorities. This principle translates to other decisions involving career, service, relationships, etc. The act of asking the question with an end in mind and waiting before I make a decision affords time to allow priorities to come into focus. It creates a sightline from the goal to the present moment. In a paradoxical way, beginning with the end focuses my mind on the present moment. It also leads to greater contentment in the moment.

Second, embrace the ache of fleeting delights. Why are flowers that bloom once a year so valued? It’s the same reason I savor rain-drenched tree trunks and green grass pushing through the ground in sun-scorched California, my granddaughters’ innocence, or moments of joy and beauty that are fleeting. I wish these things would last, but their fleeting nature makes them achingly special. Rarity increases value.

I often walk by a stately Tudor-style home with brick, exposed beams, expertly crafted wooden garage doors, and leaded windows. Hefty window boxes adorn the façade, but they are stuffed with gaudy artificial flowers that detract from the home’s beauty. There’s something about artificial flowers that is ugly to me because they represent an effort to remove what makes something beautiful: its fleeting nature. Embracing the transience of a thing and enjoying it are inextricably connected. Whenever I bemoan that something beautiful won’t last, like the green hills of California, I diminish the experience of delight. But if I welcome the ache of fleeting delights, I prize their true value. I remember that I can’t own the delight, make it mine, or hold onto it indefinitely. Appreciation requires a loose grasp.

Last, don’t try to replicate delights. The desire to “do it again” is deeply embedded in humans. Just watch how a young child delights in repeating a pleasure. There seems to be no end to the demand “again!” As we grow up our demands for repeat pleasure don’t decrease but escalate as they only ratchet up, becoming more risky, fancy, and expensive. We mistakenly think we can create delight instead of simply receiving it as it comes. Enjoyment requires a freer and less controlling spirit.

Memento Mori is essentially practical. It begins not with an abstract awareness of mortality but an existential embrace of it. It then works backwards to intensify the pleasure of the present moment. So, if we want a mindset for the new year or for anytime, we do well to keep the servant’s whisper behind us as we walk through our days.

The original post is found here: https://lifeafterwhy.com/blog/memento-mori-remember-thou-art-mortal

impermanencefleeting beautymortalityremember your mortalityeffective livingbegin with the end

Sheri Blackmon

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