Why do we need to know why?

This is what is so intensely fascinating to me. It’s tempting to offer formulaic solutions as if to say that suffering is in our control, that we just have to eat a Himalayan root, adopt a dietary secret of a remote South American tribe, visualize our healing, or say the right words to release God’s healing. Our intentions may be good, but we communicate a cold message to sufferers, that they can save themselves from their suffering.

My life was disrupted by breast cancer in May 2019 for the second time since 2002, but this one is another, less common, stealthier type. During the steroid-induced mania of chemo, I churned out several pieces of writing and shared them with family and friends. Then after a while, some encouraged me to start a blog. This idea stirred a dormant desire I had since I was a nine-year-old American girl growing up in Germany writing adventure stories. Connecting with others who struggle with pain and loss awakens a deep part of me. It is a realization that if writing is a yield of my pain, then I don’t want to waste that pain. This is my adventure story of defiance, exploration and discovery of life beyond “Why me?”

We look to why for meaning but find greater meaning beyond why, hard as it may be. Life after why unleashes a power to live more fully and surrendered with hope, life, joy, and support. Pain gives lessons we’d rather not be learning, but it can be a strange and unexpected force for good; it prepares the heart’s soil for an abundant yield by breaking up a hard surface, plowing it, and cultivating the dirt. It starts harshly and ends softly with good soil that absorbs, receives, and gives back. Pain teaches that life is a gift not gain. It attunes the soul to grace and accentuates the pleasure of enjoying the gifts all around us.

All this is to say, I’m writing this blog for you. You whose plans are slammed, smashed, and derailed and you realize you’re not in control. You who are wounded, battered, beaten down, but won’t stop fighting. You who can’t find a why but want a way forward. You who don’t want circumstances to define or stop you from living fully. This is for you if you don’t want to waste your pain.