Two Ways to Perpetuate Anxiety and Worry

On Resisting Siren Songs

Do you remember reading the section in Homer’s Odyssey about the sirens’ beguiling wind-like song that entices Odysseus to his doom on his voyage home from the Trojan War? That scene made an indelible imprint on my mind in high school. The wind-song and birdlike bodies of these women add an ethereal allure to their call:  

Odysseus, bravest of heroes,
Draw near to us, on our green island,
Odysseus, we’ll teach you wisdom,
We’ll give you love, sweeter than honey.
The songs we sing, soothe away sorrow,
And in our arms, you will be happy.
Odysseus, bravest of heroes,
The songs we sing, will bring you peace.

(The Odyssey Book VII)

The sirens flatter and entice him with promises of a “green island,” wisdom, love “sweeter than honey,” happiness, and peace, but they deliver destruction on rocks as sharp as spears and a meadow filled with the skeletons of previous sailors. Intensely curious to hear them, Odysseus is tied to the mast, and the sailors plug their ears with beeswax to block the siren cry. He strains so hard that the ties cut deeply into his body, but he is saved. The sirens fling themselves into the sea and turn into rocks.

Siren songs are big songs with big themes. They tap deep desires and aspirations. Probably the most alluring siren song for most people is the twin desire for comfort and certainty, a modern counterpart to Homer’s siren song. Discomfort and uncertainty are banished to serve this call. In a book on anxiety and worry, Reid Wilson identifies certainty and comfort as two primary standards we try to achieve, but “[w]hen our desire for the comfort of security and confidence turns into a requirement” he argues, then we give anxiety a “helping hand” (20). Why? Because we structure our days around enhancing comfort. “When we sense a potentially troubling situation, our first task is to end it immediately” (21). But instead of solving the problem of the troubling situation, we move away from it and end up putting our energy into worrying—a misplacement of energy that only compounds discomfort. Avoidance of the thing that causes distress increases distress.

One of my takeaways from this book is his oft-repeated advice to want what you don’t want: “Want what you’ve been trying to get rid of. Want difficulty, confusion, and struggle” (133). You have to intentionally step forward and tell yourself you are willing to feel the emotion you’ve been avoiding because you know it’s going to make you stronger. As you do so, you’re starting to master the skills that reduce anxiety and fear. Odysseus’s strategy affords him a safe passage through Scylla and Charybdis. Without it, he is doomed to fail like many sailors before him.

Homer grasps a truth confirmed by modern psychology that makes sirens fling themselves into the sea and turn to rocks. The truth is the need for an effective strategy to resist our siren songs. The comfort of normalcy is one of my siren songs. In my pursuit of normalcy, I want to master challenges and put them in the rearview mirror. I did that after my first cancer diagnosis in 2003, but I’m committed to not doing it again. Cancer stinks. Cancer is bad. But it also offers gifts I don’t want to discard, gifts that change me for the better. Cancer opens my eyes and heart, as captured in the three lines of this poem:

"Ripples on the surface of water
were silver salmon passing under—different
from the sorts of ripples caused by breezes"

(Gary Snyder)

These short lines contain a small world animating appreciation. First, it’s seeing the gifts below the surface that catch us off guard, like salmon ripples. They’re easily disguised, but they are rare and true. The second is shifting attention to the salmon ripples where new discoveries lie. Third is living in a state of openness and receptivity. These tend not to be gifts of normalcy.

Does this mean we shouldn’t enjoy the feeling of comfort? Synonyms of comfort are cheer, consolation, encouragement, and assistance. These are good things. It’s good when people come alongside us in times of distress to offer help. I experienced incredible comfort from my family, friend, and church networks during a recent cancer recurrence. Not only did it prop me up, but it taught me how to be a better receiver and spurred me to offer comfort to others in need. I love the comforts of home, harmony, nature, and many other sensory pleasures. So, when is comfort a siren call?

It happens when comfort drives us to avoid awkward, disquieting, and inconvenient situations. What is awkward for you? A social situation? A fear? A financial condition? Why do you avoid it? How? Wilson states that it’s not enough to think about the distress differently; you have to make a plan to “want it.” His book is replete with examples of such plans, and I recommend reading it if you struggle with anxiety and worry. The book invites us to keep ourselves awake against the lure of comfort and certainty.

What is your siren song? Do you have a strategy for resistance? 

Source Cited:

Wilson, Reid. Stopping the Noise in Your Head: The New Way to Overcome Anxiety & Worry. Health Communications, Inc, 2016.