Thirty Seconds to Change
How Decisions Reveal Character
Standing in the shade of our front yard tree, the decision was instant and clear. I knew what to do at that moment. I would stay at home for a while when my second son was born. Leading up to it were weeks and months of consideration, wavering, and doubt. At times I thought I was incapable of deciding, which deflated and discouraged me, but at the point of decision, I realized that what looked like waffling was really a process of sorting, ordering, and putting the pieces together. Some people work like me, but others arrive at big decisions and transformations more quickly; perhaps others come to them infrequently, if at all. What makes the difference?
Leo Tolstoy’s novella Master and Man is about a thirty second decision that leads to a radical transformation in Vasili Andreevich. Vasili is a cranky, impatient, pompous merchant who sets out in a Russian snowstorm with his servant Nikita to purchase a grove from a neighboring proprietor he has bargained over for quite some time. Vasili is a bombastic entrepreneur who mistreats Nikita but thinks of himself as generous and good. He prides himself on being decisive and getting what he wants. Selfishness is his defining characteristic. Nikita is the opposite: a peasant valued for his dexterity, strength, and kind disposition.
A brutal storm comes as they set out on their journey, but Vasili won’t turn back. They end up in a village, leave it, return to it, and leave it again despite being offered shelter because Vasili fears losing out on the grove. They end up getting stuck just outside the village near a ravine. Vasili not only endangers their lives, but also abandons Nikita in the sleigh on his horse in search of a way forward.
Vasili ends up alone in a snow drift after abandoning his servant in the sled. Terrified, he walks in circles and ends up at the sled where he sees Nikita under a blanket of snow. When he notices Nikita moving, Vasili comes near as Nikita says he is dying and asks him to make arrangements for his money to go to his family. Vasili wants to keep the terror away so he concludes he must do something (his well-established habit of occupying himself with something). He shakes the snow off, opens his fur coat and pulls his girdle low down, tightens it, and prepares for action.
Vasili stands “silent and motionless for half a minute.” This is his moment of decision and transformation. What does he do? He applies his well-established habit of occupying himself with something and “[t]hen suddenly, with the same resolution with which he used to strike hands when making a good purchase” he gets into position to save Nikita. He doesn’t say much except “’[n]o fear, we shan’t lose him this time!’ referring to his getting the peasant warm with the same boastfulness with which he spoke of his buying and selling.”
He rakes the snow off his servant, lies down on top of him, and adjusts the skirt of his coat to tent Nikita in. He acts just like he is used to doing, decisively, but this time without selfishness. Without words, Tolstoy makes his character do what the reader thinks is impossible for him. Vasili experiences deep emotions of joy like never before that well up into tears, making him unable to speak except to say that he now knows about himself. In the morning Nikita awakens under the dead body of Vasili.
There are several reasons I love this story. One is that Tolstoy is proposing that moral transformation, when it happens, happens not through replacing habitual patterns with some pure new energy but by a repurposing the same energy one has. After his transformation, Vasili is essentially the same person, but he is no longer doing something merely out of selfishness. This is an encouragement to me as I’m not called to become an ideal version of myself but to reform my habits and goals.
Ongoing change starts with what Dallas Willard calls VIM: vision, intention, and method. First, I need a picture of what I want to be, then a decision to apply my vision followed by a practical way to accomplish it. That’s where habits come in. Building new habits is an effective way to cement change.
Another reason I like this story is the reason Vasili changes. He acknowledges the truth about himself. In his pride, competitiveness, and superiority, he had separated himself from others, especially from his servant. He didn’t talk to him or give him the time of day, and now he’s lying on him to keep him alive. He understands that his values were misplaced, and he embraces new values with the same amount of decisiveness and energy as before. He’s not even a separate person from Nikita. Self-awareness is key to change. The courage to stop denying and obfuscating is crucial.
Vasili acknowledges his selfishness. Selfish choices separate us from other people. Sacrificial choices bring us together. But there’s more to it. Vasili’s ultimate choice is at the expense of his own life, but this redeems his character, giving this story its power. The reader glimpses the power of knowing oneself as one really is. Like Paul in Damascus who reassesses his entire life during the three days he lies in darkness, Vasili examines his life in thirty seconds. His monumental decision has been in the works for years, even decades, but it crystallizes in one moment. Not everyone, of course, has the courage to transform, but those who do find joy and purpose despite the high cost of their choices.
The final reason I love this story is the primacy of decision. What sets humans apart is our ability to reflect on our lives, assess our purpose, and make meaningful decisions about our lives. This applies even when we are stripped of agency during illness, loss, financial blows, employment setbacks, or other challenges. Why is this? The center of the battle is usually in the mind where decisions about attitude, fortitude, and endurance reside, and how we engage in this battle speaks volumes about who we are.
Making decisions about our lives is a powerful tool in happiness, if those decisions are motivated by the good, the true, and the beautiful. That’s our freedom and responsibility as humans, which is ours in good times and bad.